Who are your friends? Why are you still friends? Do they bring out the best in you? The worst? Do they support you? Come through for you? Can you be yourself around them? Do they judge you? Can you talk to them? Depend on them? Are you really friends...
 |
There are people in my life that I call friend, but when I really think about it they offer me nothing. I have to really wonder why were friends. I have realized that there are people I am friendly with, but not really friends with. There's a difference. Sometimes I wonder if I just got thrown with some of them because we have the same color skin. It is an unproven fact that black people flock to each other; in school environments, camps, parties. We just do. I guess there's power in numbers and people are comfortable with people who are like them or rather look like them. At my school it was without a doubt de facto segregation, which pretty much means we weren't forced to segregate we just did it by choice. I have always been a diverse person who loves to mix it up, be my own person. I diversified myself in school too, but I did settle in with the "black crowd" more so. I felt like I was apart of something, and there wasn't much I had to do.
But those friends I still try to depend on, people I try to pretend care about me, and, well, are my friend. I don't think they are. I think we got thrown together because were both black. Now were graduated and moving on with our lives, so what's the point of pretending anymore? We got each other through high school and supported that safety net of black people, but what have we really done for each other? You don't come through for me. You don't bring out the best in me. If I'm being honest you don't bring out anything in me. I can't talk to you about my life. I can't fully be myself around you. I also found out the other day, I can't depend on you. I feel like I have to be something more for you...I feel judged. I feel like I'm less with you.
Why are we still friends? We may go to the occasional party together. You make me laugh and you are fun to be around. I like telling people we are friends. But are we? Would we have ever even crossed worlds if we weren't the same skin color. Did we become friends, or did those unwritten rules just push us together? This may seem like it's to one person, but it's actually quite a few people that I have no idea why I still pretend I care or that they care. They know nothing about my life and I know nothing about theirs. Nothing more than the surface. It's not that I don't want to. I would love to, but that's not how it is. I have a feeling that soon we will no longer even refer to each other as friends, were drop lower than that. We'll be those people who used to know each other. If someone asked, "How do you know them?", our relationship would be reduced to the simple words, "They used to go to my school" nothing less, nothing more. Just someone from the past.
Who are your friends? Why are you still friends? Do you really know? Relationships, friendships, they are hard work and they can disappear before your eyes in the matter of seconds, becoming nothing more than a memory... relationships are a two way street and one person cannot be doing all the work. It'll never last. I work really hard at my friendships and I hold the real ones close to my heart. But I'm tired of the fake ones. There comes a time where you just have to know when to let it go. You just let time do your dirty work and let it all blur into the past and become a nice memory. It's sad to lose touch with people, to lose a friend. But sadly it's apart of growing up. That's how you know the difference between a true friend and a fake one. It doesn't take long to figure out the difference between the two, sometimes were just too desperate to hold on. Were trying to convince ourselves they're all real, that they all care, that were not alone. We have people. We all just want to have people. So sometimes we accept it all; the good friends, the bad, the flaky ones, the unloyal ones, the real and the fake, the selfish ones, the cunning ones, the lousy ones, all of them. But it'll just end up making us feel even more alone, because what's the point of having your people if you can't depend on them? Trust them? My circle of friends is small and I like it like that. Sometimes I cling to the fake ones, but I know I always have my real ones. I am finally realizing exactly who my friends are, and I hope you do too, it'll save you from a lot of disappointment.
No comments:
Post a Comment