My first short film:)

Hey, so here is my first short film. Yeah, it finally happened, I even had a viewing party. The people in it and who helped with production are amazing and I will be forever grateful for their help in helping make my vision come  to life. This was such a cool process and I loved every second of it. This is what I want to do. This is where I see myself. I want to be a screenwriter. I want to be in the business of movies and film and I want to write. I want to write my freaking heart out and share some great stories. This is only my first and I know I have room for improvement and I know as I keep going it will only continue to get stronger and stronger. Well, that's the plan anyway. Who knows where life will take me and what the heck I'll end up doing, but there is nothing that could squash, smash, or steal my love for writing. I don't know what life has in stored for me, but writing is apart of the permanent plans. Anyway, here you are, The Pieces of Me, written and directed by me. Enjoy.

Movies to see by Courtney Gilliam: Movie Review #1

ME AND EARL AND THE DYING GIRL

1. The plot line is amazing, with teenage characters that have realistic insecurities and problems that you will easily fall in love with and a story you can really can into.

2. It is so darn funny! I laughed so hard at different parts and the humor is different and odd, but still fresh and something everyone finds themselves laughing at.

3. The cinematography is brilliant. The angles and filming in this movie also make the film come alive and adds to the setting and plot going on. It's really cool, and just another reason of why it's a great film. 

4. You can tell the screenplay took time, even though it is adapted from a book. You can tell how much thought and time went into this film with the little details. It's like a book is opening up right there on the screen for you, which is how it's suppose to be. I watched the movie before I got a chance to read the book, but the fact that I still want to read the book should say something about how great of a movie it is. 

5. You will laugh. you will cry. You will leave that movie with an appreciation for good film and good stories and you will undoubtedly want to write a movie review about it...oh, wait that's just me. Go, go , go, see it! It's so good. I love the narration, the characters, the short films inside the film, the dry humor and creativity, the filming, I love all of it! It's a really good movie and  I made sure in this review I did not spoil anything or ruin the plot, because I know how personal I take it when someone does that to me, I mean I'm ready to like throw down if they ruin a book or movie or play for me. I'm serious. Ha, not really. But really. Anyway I didn't ruin anything so you should go see the darn movie and tell them that Courtney sent ya. Although that won't do anything for you, like nothing. No deals or free stuff, honestly you'll probably just get some crazy looks and the movie people will be like waaaaaat, but who cares! Look crazy, be crazy, screw the rules, oh and go see Me and Earl and the Dying Girl. Ciao.

Much Love,
Courtney
(the girl who keeps rambling)

Nobody Told You...

I LOVE MOVIES. I AM ACTUALLY OBSESSED.

I am a die hard movie lover and it would be my dream to one day write my own. A successful one. I have written and directed a short film and plan on sharing that with you all in the neat future, but I want to go big time! I want to be a screenwriter and I don't know how I am going to end up there, but that is the end game. Sometimes I have this overwhelming feeling that I'll never be able to watch all the movies I want to. Like do you know how many great movies there are! Too many. It is both a blessing and a curse. I'm talking about the movies that are classics, the ones that came before I was even born, the ones that I missed, the ones that are out now, the ones coming out in the future...I want to see them all. How do I see them all? I once calculated that I would need to be watching at least two movies everyday for the rest of my life to see all the movies I want to see, but what about the movies I don't even know about! There's too many! I love going to the movies, I love Netflixing, I love all types and kinds. What a better way to tune into a great story and leave real life behind for a few moment. To feel and experience what those characters are going through and enjoy great film.

So I want to share with you my list. My list of movies you HAVE to see, because they are just that damn goooood and I want to even do a few reviews for you. I want to hear your thoughts after you watch them and I want to know if they make it on your list. I have literally carried a list of movies on my phone for like ever and I thought everyone had one, but no. Movies are life. This site is about sharing apart of my life with you and that's a pretty big part. The motivation to start this now is because I just came from a really amazing movie and it seemed like the perfect one to start my movie reviewing on soooo stay tuned because here comes my first review and a movie that should no doubt go on your list and you NEED to go see. Like stop what your doing. Stop reading. Stop it. Go see this movie. Oh wait, you don't know what it is yet, well go read my next post:) hehe

Much Love,
Courtney

** If Their Not Down for You...Let Them Go **

Who are your friends? Why are you still friends? Do they bring out the best in you? The worst? Do they support you? Come through for you? Can you be yourself around them? Do they judge you? Can you talk to them? Depend on them? Are you really friends...

There are people in my life that I call friend, but when I really think about it they offer me nothing. I have to really wonder why were friends. I have realized that there are people I am friendly with, but not really friends with. There's a difference. Sometimes I wonder if I just got thrown with some of them because we have the same color skin. It is an unproven fact that black people flock to each other; in school environments, camps, parties. We just do. I guess there's power in numbers and people are comfortable with people who are like them or rather look like them. At my school it was without a doubt de facto segregation, which pretty much means we weren't forced to segregate we just did it by choice. I have always been a diverse person who loves to mix it up, be my own person. I diversified myself in school too, but I did settle in with the "black crowd" more so. I felt like I was apart of something, and there wasn't much I had to do. 

But those friends I still try to depend on, people I try to pretend care about me, and, well, are my friend. I don't think they are. I think we got thrown together because were both black. Now were graduated and moving on with our lives, so what's the point of pretending anymore? We got each other through high school and supported that safety net of black people, but what have we really done for each other? You don't come through for me. You don't bring out the best in me. If I'm being honest you don't bring out anything in me. I can't talk to you about my life. I can't fully be myself around you. I also found out the other day, I can't depend on you. I feel like I have to be something more for you...I feel judged. I feel like I'm less with you.

Why are we still friends? We may go to the occasional party together. You make me laugh and you are fun to be around. I like telling people we are friends. But are we? Would we have ever even crossed worlds if we weren't the same skin color. Did we become friends, or did those unwritten rules just push us together? This may seem like it's to one person, but it's actually quite a few people that I have no idea why I still pretend I care or that they care. They know nothing about my life and I know nothing about theirs. Nothing more than the surface. It's not that I don't want to. I would love to, but that's not how it is. I have a feeling that soon we will no longer even refer to each other as friends, were drop lower than that. We'll be those people who used to know each other. If someone asked, "How do you know them?", our relationship would be reduced to the simple words, "They used to go to my school" nothing less, nothing more. Just someone from the past. 

Who are your friends? Why are you still friends? Do you really know? Relationships, friendships, they are hard work and they can disappear before your eyes in the matter of seconds, becoming nothing more than a memory... relationships are a two way street and one person cannot be doing all the work. It'll never last. I work really hard at my friendships and I hold the real ones close to my heart. But I'm tired of the fake ones. There comes a time where you just have to know when to let it go. You just let time do your dirty work and let it all blur into the past and become a nice memory. It's sad to lose touch with people, to lose a friend. But sadly it's apart of growing up. That's how you know the difference between a true friend and a fake one. It doesn't take long to figure out the difference between the two, sometimes were just too desperate to hold on. Were trying to convince ourselves they're all real, that they all care, that were not alone. We have people. We all just want to have people. So sometimes we accept it all; the good friends, the bad, the flaky ones, the unloyal ones, the real and the fake, the selfish ones, the cunning ones, the lousy ones, all of them. But it'll just end up making us feel even more alone, because what's the point of having your people if you can't depend on them? Trust them? My circle of friends is small and I like it like that. Sometimes I cling to the fake ones, but I know I always have my real ones. I am finally realizing exactly who my friends are, and I hope you do too, it'll save you from a lot of disappointment.

People watching in the airport...

I've been sitting on a plane and waiting in airports all day. My favorite part is not the flying or take off or the freedom of being alone, but seeing all the people. People from all over the world and all look different. I look at them and I just want to know their story. It's crazy to me how each person has a whole other world happening outside of mine and for a few moments our paths get to cross. Each of us have had individual experiences and moments that the other will never have. A whole little universe in their mind and I would only be so lucky if I got to hear even just a piece of it. Each of us have our own problems and worries and that is one of the most important things I believe people should always remember: were all dealing with our own shit. Your having a bad day? Guess what, so is a billion other people, so why take out your frustrations on them? Were all people. We all struggle. None of us are perfect. We all have a story. People like to assume things based off of appearances alone, which I may be guilty of right now while people-watching in the airport, but there are so many things we don't know or understand about a person until they open up. For instance people love to assume because I went to a christian school nothing ever went wrong and we were all perfect angels and any fights that broke out were over who could praise Jesus the best...wrong. Wrong. Wrong. I don't like to act like I went to some badass school that was super intense but I get stuck talking to people about only the crazy stuff that happens just to prove that I went to a regular school with regular problems and regular drama and awful school lunches. Were all people and just because we went to a christian school doesn't mean we still don't have bad days, that we aren't still teenagers trying to party and fit in, and number #1 just everybody who goes there is not really a christian.Were people just like the rest of them! We screw up. We make mistakes. Were sinners like the rest of them (not that that is a good thing). Yes, I was probably in a school with better circumstances than most, but it was not all happy perfect all the time like people just assume it is. Don't assume. I honestly really do love people and I love sharing my story with others (well, once I decide to trust you) and I love hearing other people's. I think if people could just always be willing to listen and considerate the world would be a much nicer place. Too bad were all selfish and self involved.  Worried about ourselves and assuming the worst. I'm just as guilty, but I'm not completely gone, I'm still hopeful and I still want to meet new people and I'm still willing to give them a chance...or atleast I try.

Time.

I am not patient. I am not patient driving. I am not patient waiting for my future. I want everything now and I want to know what to expect. Well, most of the time. I do like some spontaneity, but only the kind I agree to and plan, so is it really spontaneous? I have been sitting here for the last few hours waiting and waiting and I do a lot of that-- I wait and watch the clock, whether it be for it to speed up or slow down I feel like sometimes I am never content with where I am. Wouldn't life be so much easier if it actually did work on a remote control, like that awful movie Click that had Adam Sandler in it ( not your best work buddy). But really it would probably be a disaster if we each had that power and the world would be all kinds of whack. I'm just being a typical human and wishing I could control something that I have no business in trying to control and isn't meant to be controlled. Time waits for no man. It doesn't have favorites, not by race, or gender, or plumpness, or prettiness. Time doesn't discriminate and it ignores no one. It reaches us all at the worst possible times when were yelling, "Please, wait!! I'm not ready to move on" and the others when were pleading, "Hurry up, hurry up! I can't take this anymore" or "I want to make this moment last forever", "I want to always remember the way he smiles", "I don't want everything to change", "Speed up because I want to move on from this pain" "I want to erase the bad times and let time take away their sting", and the ultimate, "I need more time". We always somehow end up needing more time, and it will be like that for everyone.

Constantly and daily were all just talking to clocks driving ourselves mad waiting for the next moment which leaves us either wanting more time, bored, or disappointed. Time. Time. Its always been on my mind since I was tiny. I was always waiting until I would be older until I could finally be seen as an adult, counting down my childhood. Now all I want it to do is stop, but I bet you all saw that one coming. I am not patient. I do not like time. But I have to respect it because, well, its always fair and we've had too long a history. We've gotten each other through too much. I just wish we could be more friendly, that I could take ahold of it and squeeze it for all its got. That it wouldn't make me freak out and worry or scare me half to death, that it wouldn't be like a screaming little infant always begging to be paid  attention to and I'm going crazy trying to make it happy. Always, constantly worrying and thinking about it. I don't want it to lock me down, I want it to bring me alive. I want it to wake me up. I'm so young, but I feel so old and I feel like that feeling will only get worse. I know I have endless possibilities for my future, I know I have so many opportunities, but instead of making me hope and feel alive, sometimes the time is just overwhelming. It feels like I am being swallowed up and I just want to know so bad what my future holds. I want to have all the answers. I want to know right now and I want to know what I need to do. I don't want a plan, I want the plan. I'm impatient. Time is simply another enemy to me right now and I wish it didn't feel that way, like I am always on a clock. Like I never have enough time. Like time is never going fast enough. It has me captured and locked down and  I am under it's spell. I want to break that spell. I want to be released. I want to be free. I want to stop thinking about the clock. I want to be patient. I want to experience everything and enjoy my time. I want to be friends. Can we just be friends, dear ole time?  

I tried...and tried some more...and should have probably stopped but kept trying...and then failed...didn't accept my fail..then finally let go and had some icecream

Filming day outside + shitty weather = CANCELLED ( I just didn't want to accept it)

I am terrible at letting go of control. Like really terrible. It's kind of ironic too, because I am like one of the most indecisive people you'll ever meet, and in my mind I am screaming for help, for someone to just make the decisions for me, but yet I still try to do it all on my own and I can't give up my control easily. I like being in charge and making decisions, I'm just not good at making decisions. For instance, I wrote an 8 page paper when I was trying to decide where I was going to college (It didn't help). I want things to happen right the first time and go exactly how I plan, and by now with all the disappointment I have faced with that I should know better and that it never ever goes according to plan. Life is gonna screw with you a bit and you just gotta roll with the punches. You gotta let go.

Today the weather screwed everything up. I mean it really pissed all over my parade and there was nothing I could do about it, it was out of my control, but yet I fought it for as long and hard as I could. I was about one step away from creating some anti- rain dance (whatever that would look like)...anyhow I had to make some hard decisions, and I had to make them fast, because people were counting and waiting on me, they were waiting for my nay or yay. It was kinda overwhelming, and I was so frustrated that it wasn't going how I planned. Trying to work around people's schedules is hard enough and trying to find another date, another time, hoping people won't cancel, hoping you made the right call, because what if the rain is  going to clear up anyway? Or what if it comes back that day you reschedule to? What if you made the wrong decision? What about those people who were already on their way? Those people who are going out of town next week? The people who got everything ready for you and picked up food? What about those people! I know I shouldn't but I work overtime trying to make sure everyone has everything they need, that they are pleased. I can be persistent as all get out and I will work overtime to make sure my friends are good. That sometimes means bugging the crap out of them like if I am trying to work something around their schedules and make it to where they can all come, even if they tell me over and over again that they can't, I will still try because I like working things out for people, I like bringing people together, and I like making people happy.

Today I learned a lesson in letting go of control and how the weather can really be an inconvenience. But my disappointment might be somebody else's blessing and maybe they needed that rain today. Maybe it's all for a reason and today was just not the day. Maybe. I guess we'll find out next week...it'll either all go to shit or be better than I could have ever imagined/planned.