I tried...and tried some more...and should have probably stopped but kept trying...and then failed...didn't accept my fail..then finally let go and had some icecream

Filming day outside + shitty weather = CANCELLED ( I just didn't want to accept it)

I am terrible at letting go of control. Like really terrible. It's kind of ironic too, because I am like one of the most indecisive people you'll ever meet, and in my mind I am screaming for help, for someone to just make the decisions for me, but yet I still try to do it all on my own and I can't give up my control easily. I like being in charge and making decisions, I'm just not good at making decisions. For instance, I wrote an 8 page paper when I was trying to decide where I was going to college (It didn't help). I want things to happen right the first time and go exactly how I plan, and by now with all the disappointment I have faced with that I should know better and that it never ever goes according to plan. Life is gonna screw with you a bit and you just gotta roll with the punches. You gotta let go.

Today the weather screwed everything up. I mean it really pissed all over my parade and there was nothing I could do about it, it was out of my control, but yet I fought it for as long and hard as I could. I was about one step away from creating some anti- rain dance (whatever that would look like)...anyhow I had to make some hard decisions, and I had to make them fast, because people were counting and waiting on me, they were waiting for my nay or yay. It was kinda overwhelming, and I was so frustrated that it wasn't going how I planned. Trying to work around people's schedules is hard enough and trying to find another date, another time, hoping people won't cancel, hoping you made the right call, because what if the rain is  going to clear up anyway? Or what if it comes back that day you reschedule to? What if you made the wrong decision? What about those people who were already on their way? Those people who are going out of town next week? The people who got everything ready for you and picked up food? What about those people! I know I shouldn't but I work overtime trying to make sure everyone has everything they need, that they are pleased. I can be persistent as all get out and I will work overtime to make sure my friends are good. That sometimes means bugging the crap out of them like if I am trying to work something around their schedules and make it to where they can all come, even if they tell me over and over again that they can't, I will still try because I like working things out for people, I like bringing people together, and I like making people happy.

Today I learned a lesson in letting go of control and how the weather can really be an inconvenience. But my disappointment might be somebody else's blessing and maybe they needed that rain today. Maybe it's all for a reason and today was just not the day. Maybe. I guess we'll find out next week...it'll either all go to shit or be better than I could have ever imagined/planned.